christmas IS coming

Finally, Halloween is over. Now there is nothing to get in the way of full-on pre-Thanksgiving Christmas preparation. Halloween is such a drag. If we got rid of Halloween, there would be no reason to NOT start making christmas cookies on like Oct 29. Right now, you just can't make Christmas cookies in October. You just can't. Therefore, I suggest we move Halloween back to Oct 3. Exactly one month after Labor Day. Hello. Halloween is mostly about adults dressing slutty and kids knocking on doors and getting candy. Is there any reason that can't be done in early October? I didn't think so. Okay. Okay. Okay. For the Catholics out there, we need to move All Souls Day to Oct 4, so that it comes the day after New Halloween. Why? Cuz all the kids that go to Catholic elementary school get the day after Halloween off b/c it's a "holy day of obligation." I think its really a hole-y day of obligation in that we are obligated to eat so much candy that we put holes in our teeth. My point, however, is that the day after Halloween is traditionally not a school day for the catholic school set. And I'd hate to deprive those already tortured kids of that holiday just so people like me can start shopping for Santa sweaters in October without feeling embarrassed. Then there is the whole Day of the Dead thing. I'm not sure exactly how to handle that one. I'll leave it up to Kelly to decide if day of the dead moves up to follow New Halloween or if it should stay put. Personally, I don't think it's a deal breaker. I can contemplate those who have gone to the great beyond while I'm busy deciding which 8 slice bagle toaster to add to my alternate Christmas list. What is an alternate Christmas list, you ask? It's the list you draw from about Nov 20, when you have that feeling that everything you put on lists A1-A18 will be delivered to you from Santa via UPS by Dec 22. I call it a holiday back up plan. You can never get too much stuff. Never can you get enough industrial toasters, blenders that create hurricane winds within your kitchen, platters for cinnamon rolls that you'll never EVER make and ill-fitting fleece. Did I mention that New Halloween would also boost holiday weight gain by extending the window in which holiday parties can be thrown? And this would prompt the purchase of more sweat shop produced elastic fat pants from China. And we all know how great it is to keep the sweat shops as busy as possible. Working at a sweat shop is like Bikram yoga for the workers, right? They want to work in those conditions, right? You have to like major in sweat shop studies, right? They like it, right? We only buy so much stuff because we don't want to disappoint the sweat-shop workers, right? And we allow toxic plastic-softeners in our toys because we're afraid that if we don't use all the potentially testosterone-blocking plastic additives, then the price for such "commodity chemicals" will be so low (due to high supply levels) that poor Chinese babies might find said plastic softeners in their rubber duckies, right? That's what I thought. We're like totally altruistic.