this is my dude

you gotta work it

garden nights

fruit bowl friday night

i'm pround to say that I wasn't the one in this household to notice the suggestive nature of this fruit bowl...although...hello...it doesn't get any more obvious than this.

with me in my wet suit
and italian bf in his surf shirt
we settled in for a summer night's body surf
when what to my salt infused eyes should appear
but a nude chubby bodysurfer
and eight sun bathing queers

highlighter

i found these dudes in my office today. They must have jumped out of my head while I was on the phone sometime this week. They are pretty stoked to be freed on the Internet on a Friday night. I tried to give them some sage advice about Internet weirdos, but they were more interested in the sage and butter on the tortellini I gave them before I set them free. I hope they're more reliable than the lady bugs.

1500 to zero

so...i bought 1500 lady bugs on Sunday...and the total number of lady bugs now on the balcony? a whopping ZERO!

ok. that's not exactly true. I stepped on three ladybugs on sunday while dispersing the other 1497. but other than three decomposing lady bugs, I got nothin'.

so...what's next? I'm dumping half of the Colorado river into my balcony plants, only to have a gaggle of aphids and white flies take over and party their way to plant destruction.

I sprinkled my 1500 ladybugs and they all flew off. maybe they were overwhelmed by the amount of food in the form of insects...they must have flown off to some other balcony where the portion control would not have to be self initiated. I bet they were scared off b/c our balcony is just too perfect for them. yeah, that's it.

do you floss your bed?

do you floss your bed?

we do...

in the sense that we flip our mattress every week, or at least every other week. when I say we, I mean, the italian bf initiates the flipping and I go along with the plan...in part because I know it will make our mattress last longer, which means less mattresses in the landfill or the incinerator. But if it were up to me, I don't think i'd flip a mattress. even though I know I should.

the mattress flipping reach an apex last night. Italian bf was flipping the mattress on his own last night b/c I was in the living room doing yoga. During the one-man-flip-maneuver, he noticed the ikea bedframe was coming apart. So he fixed that (good thing we got a faulty bedframe the first time around b/c we ended up with two sets of hardware). and after the fixing, I helped him put the mattress back on the bed...but oh the horror...we were not sure which side was most recently slept on. Never fear. we carefully checked the indentation patterns on both sides of the mattress until we figured out side had been pressed down into the wooden slats supporting the bed.

Buon Compleano. Happy Birthday. Ernesto!

- Zio Ivano & Uncle Daniel

bruce

"The Pickles are in their front yard doing gymnastics ! Can I go outside! Please!!!"

The Pickles, of course, are the fammily across the street. Four boys and two girls, within the span of 5 years. Their mom is from Ukraine and trained in the USSR gymnastics machine for her entire youth. Now, she teaches a lot of yoga and teaches her kids how to tumble. The oldest could do a back walkover before he could walk.

The Pickles isn't their real name. It's the name the neighborhood gave them years ago...after Svetlana brought pickles to the annual Christmas Caroling Party and cookie feast. Svet, as her husband calls her, brought pickles, her personal comfort food instead of cookies.

And so, the Pickles got their name.

cuyamaca coulda been

sunday was a cuyamaca cougar coulda been kinda day.

the dutch journos and I went hiking in cuyamaca rancho state park on sunday evening.

a gorgeous evening. The hills had burned five years ago. The oaks are coming back, as are the manzanitas. But nothing close to their former glory.

the hill is covered in big purple spikey wildflowers that look like foxgloves on steroids.

it's an amazing evening.

and then dutch journo 1 freezes, stammers, switches from english to dutch and in a primal voice says "beast!!!"

he thinks he heard the growl of a cougar. I start yelling and waving my hands. I stand tall. We're at the corner of a switch back and one of us looks back to make sure it's not coming up the train from below. It's not.

We never do see the cougar. If there ever was one. We never hear it. But we do hear ourselves do a lot of talking that evening becauase we decided to keep talking in an an attempt to ward off evil cougar spirits.

bravo lux

The cute Italian baby is all grown up.

He is not quite two, but he has already made his American print debut.

With who?

San Diego CityBeat, that's who.

By mimicking the gaze of the woman in the Ang Lee movie advertisment plastered across Milano Centrale, ernesto the cute Italian baby gazed his way into the finalists of CityBeat's 6th Annual Photo Contest.

Props to Lux (italian bf's bro) for taking the picture.

FYI, this contest win is the first step in my plan to make Lux the photographer big in the USA. Next step? A coffee house show. I need to make him a tee shirt that says "I'm big in Europe" but with Europe crossed out and replaced with "the USA"

Military Porn Ban

I wish there were a "d" at the end of ban. I would totally be into a military porn band.

I picked up Military Press Newspaper at a coffee house on Sunday and stumbled upon this article (pasted below with a few comments).

GRAFENWOHR, Germany -- Legislation that would restrict the sale of certain men's magazines on U.S. military bases around the world would be bad for morale, according to soldiers at Grafenwöhr. U.S. Rep. Paul Broun, R-Ga., has introduced legislation that would close a loophole in the current law that allows the sale of some sexually explicit material on military bases by lowering the threshold required to deem material "sexually explicit." A Department of Defense committee that reviews materials sold on bases ruled last year that magazines such as Playboy and Penthouse are not pornographic. But Broun's Military Honor and Decency Act includes language that could make those magazines eligible for the ban. The prospect of missing out on men's magazines was not welcomed by soldiers at Grafenwöhr. "We all read 'em," said Pfc. Paul Rubio, 31, of Bakersfield, Calif. "There are times we just read 'em for the technological parts like the new gadgets that come out. They have good stories sometimes too."

>>AHHH, THE OLE "I READ IT FOR THE ARTICLES" LINE.

Sgt. Simon Brown, 34, of Daytona Beach, Fla., said men's magazines build morale.

>>DOES MORALE BUILDING MEAN CIRCLE JERKING?

"It's not all about the pictures, although 80 percent of it is," he said.

>>I LOVE THIS GUY.

Pfc. Greg Smith, 21, of Northboro, Mass., a regular Playboy reader, said soldiers should be allowed to buy nudie magazines at the exchange. "Playboy is good entertainment while you are on the can. They have jokes and good stories," he said.

>>SOMEONE SHOULD TELL GREG THAT SPENDING TOO MUCH TIME ON THE CAN IS BAD FOR YOUR HEMOROIDS.

Broun, a Marine veteran, told Newsweek recently that the magazines sold in military exchanges are partly responsible for a rise in sexual assaults in the military and other problems. "Allowing the sale of pornography on military bases has harmed military men and women by: escalating the number of violent, sexual crimes; feeding a base addiction; eroding the family as the primary building block of society; and denigrating the moral standing of our troops both here and abroad," Broun says on his Web site.

>>REALLY? A CORRELATION BETWEEN PORN AND SEXUAL ASSAULTS? I'D LIKE TO SEE THE DATA BEHIND THAT CLAIM. AND ANOTHER THING: IT'S NOT LIKE MEN ONLY GET HORNY WHEN THEY SEE NAKED PICTURES. WHY NOT JUST CASTRATE ALL MEN IN THE MILITARY? THERE HAS GOT TO BE SOME KIND OF TEMPORARY CHEMICAL CASTRATION TECHNIQUE THAT WORKS GREAT ON SHEEP THAT COULD BE USED.

The legislation would require the DOD to annually review material that is not currently deemed sexually explicit to determine if it should be prohibited, according to the Web site. Some soldiers say magazines that could be banned are particularly important downrange. Brown deployed to Afghanistan in 2002 and 2005 and is preparing to go to Iraq with the 12th Combat Aviation Brigade this summer. When he was in Afghanistan he was one of the first to pick up a new copy of Maxim or FHM when it came out, he said. "It would suck if they ban it," he said. "It's bad enough we are down there to begin with. Taking that away would be like a knife in the chest. I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

>>CUT THE GUYS A BREAK! ARE THEY GOING TO BAN PLAYGIRL TOO?

Publications such as Maxim and FHM are not named by Broun, but lowering the threshold of the sexually explicit definition might mean such magazines would be targeted for a ban. Some troops in the Pacific region said the proposed legislation would impinge upon their personal freedoms. "They're making it a point of undermining soldiers to almost make them feel like we're back in elementary school," Pfc. Nickolas Sears said Friday at Camp Red Cloud, South Korea. "We're all adults here, and if it's something we want to do, we should feel free to choose as we please." Other than on base, there's no place in South Korea to buy magazines like Playboy, he said.

>>NO PORN IN SOUTH KOREA? NO WONDER THEY ARE SO CRAZY FOR THE INTERNET OVER THERE

"I believe it's a breach of freedom of speech," said Senior Airman Garrett Deese, 25, of Elk Grove, Calif., who just completed a tour with the 8th Aircraft Maintenance Squadron at Kunsan Air Base, South Korea. He said he wonders whether such a ban would lead to barring other types of magazines lawmakers chose to challenge. He also questioned whether Broun's link between magazines and sexual assaults within the military would stand close scrutiny.

>>GOOD CALL DUDE. MAKE THEM BACK UP THEIR CLAIMS WITH HARD DATA!

At Yokota Air Base, Japan, military spouse Roberta Woolley said she understands the need for balance between rules and individual rights, but said the military has tougher standards than the rest of American society. "It's a good idea," she said of the proposed ban. "I think there's better literature out there.... In the military, we sell cigarettes and alcohol legally. But it's also questionable whether they promote a healthy lifestyle.

>>"I THINK THERE'S BETTER LITERATURE OUT THERE" HUH??? THE VALUE OF PLAYBOY AS LITERATURE IS SO NOT THE POINT. BUT...IF YOU THINK BACK TO BAD HIGH SCHOOL STEREOTYPES AND SAY THAT LITERATURE HAS TO BE HARD TO READ FOR IT TO BE GOOD, THEN PLAYBOY IS SOME OF THE BEST LITERATURE AROUND. IT'S HARD READING.

"I've seen all these magazines, and they don't make men or women intelligent or beautiful. And even though they're hidden, there is still exposure to children as well. It's the parents' responsibility to give ideas about body awareness to their children. I don't think Mr. Hefner presents a positive image of men or women in his magazine."

>>WHO LET THIS PERSON IN THE ARTICLE. SHE IS TOTALLY OFF TOPIC. THIS IS NOT ABOUT PARENTING OR KIDS. BESIDES, HOW MANY MILITARY BRATS ARE HANGING OUT IN AFGANISTAN?

A female soldier at Grafenwöhr -- Sgt. Pou McCall, 23, of Riverside, Calif. -- said men's magazines don't bother her a lot, but she'd support a ban. "What if it was their (soldiers') sisters (in the magazines)? It doesn't take a magazine for sexual harassment to happen but it increases it," she said.

>>IF SEXUAL HARRASMENT IS A PROBLEM. DEAL WITH IT. DON'T SCAPEGOAT THE PORN. ISSUE FLESHLIGHTS. A STANDARD ISSUE FLESHLIGHT FOR EVERY INCOMING MILITARY MALE. IF YOU NEED TO, YOU CAN EXCHANGE IT FOR THE ONE WITH EXTRA GIRTH.

Army and Air Force Exchange service public relations manager Judd Anstey said AAFES sold $231,000 worth of Penthouse, Playboy and Playgirl magazines in Europe last year.

>>SO THEY DO SELL PLAYGIRL. HOW COME NOBODY TALKED ABOUT THAT?

"Sales of these three titles account for 2.7 percent of total European magazine sales ($8.5 million) at AAFES facilities," he said. The sales accounted for 0.5 percent of worldwide AAFES magazine sales of $46.4 million, he said.

Stars and Stripes' reporters Vince Little, Franklin Fisher and Erik Slavin contributed to this report.

Clinic

I don't know why it cracks me up, but people crusing each other at the STD clinic makes me laugh. This "missed connection" on CL is one such example. Of course CL is craigs list.

Owen clinic:
saw you briefly at around 9:20 in the waiting room before I was called in. I was reading a book. Love to talk to you.

My pet goat

This is a comment left on a news blog about a story that I will talk more about soon:

"Oh ya, and the porn we bought in Italy, makes Hustler look like the ‘My Pet Goat’."

coming up short

panda express (extinction)

Beverly Hills Hedge

pumpernickel / pump or nickel

With unlimited capacity in my yahoo email, it is becoming a weird unorganized mass of information. I just "googled" my yahoo email for "pumpernickel" but didn't find anything. So then I searched for "pump or nickel" and found a strange word doc that I had sent myself so I could keep working on a long ago and far away press release from Science at home. And in that doc, I found the line: "Will alcohol make robots dance?"

I don't know the answer. But I do know that alcohol will make Daniels dance. and I also know that waves make me dance. In fact, I am going wave dancing right now...wave dancing is also known as wave-nastics, of course, my friend Sarah's term for playing in ocean waves.

good guy or bad guy?

i hate to be mean...but the chlorine was obscene

bel air and rich stink

California Dreamin' in such a 50s Way

14 doughnuts

libraries think too much

"Libraries think too much"...

...with all those books and no talking allowed, how could it be any other way?

oops

oops. I just posted to the wrong blog. but in doing so, I realized that Matt posted on that blog today two days ago...which is crazy, b/c nobody has touched that internet outpost for more than a year.