venerdì 29 febbraio 2008

my last of 6 quirks for Todd's meme

This is my 6th and final quirk . It's a no-longer-actively-practiced quirk -- a former quirk. I hope it counts.

I used to take cell phone pictures of the insides of bathroom stalls when in a seated deficating position. I think I got burned out because I can't figure out how to get the pictures off my phone. I tried mobile blogging, but the photo links always end up broken, and I don't think my phone has an easy way to transfer photos using a USB port like other phones do. So...I've got a lame phone with 50 bathroom stall photos locked inside. They're screaming to get out. But they can't. They're trapped. And the memory is full. And I can't bear to delete any of them. And so I can't take any more photos with my cell phone camera. And I'm not eligible for a new phone until July, and even then, I'm not sure I will go for an upgrade right away. Why? For one thing, cell phones need precious metals that they get from the forests of the Congo. And do I really need another way that I'm tacitly or explicitly encouraging deforestation of the last remaining habitats of primates? When the primates are gone from the wild, then where are we as a species? How fucked up will it all be when we have to say that we killed off all our most closely related sister and brother species???

By the way, in a recent issue of the New Yorker (and the last before our intentionally lapsed subscription ((overall, we were dissapointed and traded it for a subscription to the New York Review of Books)), there is an article about being green by Michael Specter.

One of the quoted pundits in the article says that the thing we need to do RIGHT NOW to slow anthropogenic climate change is stop freaking clear cutting the remaining tropical forests. That means you Congo. And Amazonia, you too. And you, in the back, Ms. Indonesia is it? YOU'RE not excused.

What's that? It's US? We in the West have an insatiable appetite for your hardwoods and cheap beef and soy? And now we also want your land to plant biofuels so we can feel good about oursleves even though in the big picture we're even more fucked using biofuels than just shooting up with oil and being honest about it? Oh. Sorry about that. Well, could you like stop burning anyway? We have all these depressing photos in glossy magazines printed on chlorinated paper. And those photos make us sad. So could you like stop? Please.

What? we're the ones that forced global Captialism down your throats? And now that you're playing by our rules we don't like it and we do like at the same time? Don't get all psycho-babble on me you little fuck! Just stop the clear cutting and slash and burn! Is that clear? Are we fucking clear? Have you gotten that into your thick-ass skulls? Please stop burning. If you do, we might throw you a few cases of meds. But no condoms. Fuck no. You don't get any condoms. You're just supposed to be in hetero-monogamous relationships and you're supposed to do what we say we do, even though there is no way in hell we're following our own adivce. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't. Got it? Now go run outside and make me some fair trade products. I'm bringing some shrimp scampi farmed from a former mangrove swamp to a dinner party tonight that I'm driving to, but I need some fair trade chocolate to bring to the host. What???? I'm not paying $5 for a fair trade chocolate bar!!! there is NOTHING fair about paying five fucking dollars for a goddamn chocolate bar. You got to be fucking kidding me. Who do you think you are? I don't give a good goddamn how much it costs you to sustainably harvest cacao seeds in the forest. Ever heard of a fucking plantation? A fair trade sustainable forest is fine, but you got a goddamn price point to meet you piece of uneducated shit!!! go fuck yourself. I'm bringing Godiva to the party.

1 commento:

TFO ha detto...

Oh My Buddah that is the funniest and saddest post in the world and it makes me want to defect to another country, but not one in South America obviously. Man our government sucks beans.