go f*ck yourself

the next time someone tells you to go f*ck yourself, tell them you'd be happy to, as long as they put up the $89.95 plus tax.

You see, I stepped into a porn store this evening after dinner at one of my favorite restaurants in San Diego. And what for my wandering eyes did appear? A mold-your-own dildo -- i almost shed a tear.

For less than 10 10 spots, you can hit your own male g spot. You can have your cock rubberized. For less than $100 you're immortalized. For the Halloween costume boxes of your great grandchildren who may never know you...except for the raisinized shiveled up heap of a man who can't get it up despite all the viagra in the land.

According to the label on the side of the bucket (yes, bucket), you just stick your dick into a little somethin' somethin' for 60 seconds and then take it out and pour in the quick curing rubber. And in no time flat, you got something fat! Well, as fat as that thing in your pants.

And if you've still got a little itch in your pocket that can't be soothed with a little pool, consider one of these DVD buys:

Florida Erection starring Al Bore (and presumably George W. Bush...no name tweak required)

...if you were thinking about something a bit more international, consider the asian treat "Sticky Buns"

UPDATE:

So, I just googled the make your own dildo thing and of course it's all over the Web. I found a particularly fascinating quote on the testimonials page at makeyourowndildo.com

"I brought some kits to a friend's bachelor party. They were the hit of the night!"
- Ron L., Portland, OR

What kind of bachelor party was that? And why wasn't I invited?