Nudity Duty

Nudity duty is the new jury duty.

Huh? you ask.

It's true. There is a dire need to bring more regular folks to the nude beaches of America, lest they become strictly the domain of clinical exhibitionists and cruising men who should know better than surf ass right on the beach.

When i am mayor of San Diego, I am going to institute nudity duty. Once a year, you get a day off of work, and you have to hang out at a nude beach. You have to be naked, or at least partially naked if the temperature is below 65 or rainy.

Nude beaches are like budgets and sexual appendages. You use it or your lose it. If we as a people do not use our nude beaches for what they were indended for -- nudity without sexual acts -- then we will lose them. If we are not invested as a community in the freedom to disrobe and hang out on the sand, then the nude beaches will dissappear. We need grassroots involvement. And I don't care if the roots of your drapes don't match your carpet. We still need your grassroots involvement. And if you plan to take the "grass" in grassroots literally, that's cool by me, but please be discrete.

so...who is up for the first round of nudity duty? I need two people to fill a slot next Friday.

We still have not yet worked out all the details of fully implementing nudity duty. For one, if every person were to do nudity duty every year, we might actually have too many people in our county's clothing optional beaches and recreation areas.

I have two ideas of how to deal with this. One is to make nudity duty a rotational project in which you only go once every four years. The other idea is to expand the cloting-optional options for our county.

my first thought is to extend clothing optionality to libraries. But I can see all sorts of problems with that. My second thought is airports. Just as there used to be "smoking sections" to airports, there could be "clothing optional" areas of airport terminals. Besides, drinking alcohol seems to be largely popular in airport terminals, and the sociology literature suggests that 1-3 drinks can be good for nudity. However, inebriaton is NOT the goal. We are simply looking to take the edge off as we take the pants off.

Right now, your airport activities are limited to watching bad TV (like the CNN "news" interview with the girl who was hit by a deer while running a cross country running race in Illinois. Other airport recreation options include going to various bathrooms and comparing soap dispensers. Still other airport amusements can include searches for geographically inspired knick-knacks such as panda coffee mugs in DC airports and Shamu shirts in San Diego.

Yes, "Boston Baked beans bean bags" are also on the list.

but are these past times really enough? Wouldn't you prefer to run through the airport naked, desperately trying to make your connection? Streaking from Terminals "T" to "A" sounds like fun to me. (And I don't even like "T" (in the traditional sense of the acronym).

And what about a nude security option? People who get naked to go through security clearly do not have any weapons hidden. So they should be fast tracked. And people with pierced nipples would no longer experience awkward moments where the TSA person claims you have a weapon taped to your bosom.

of course you would have to get dressed before you get back on the plane. But just think of the fun you could have starring at people as they board the plane. Looking at someone clothed after seeing them naked is a fascinating prospect. among the men, it will be immediately clear who is taking advantage of new "basket forward" underwear technologies because you'll be able to compare their true package statistics to their inferred basked stats based on bulge data.

the metro sexuals who spend 20 dollars per brief will be exposed as the basket-forward brief users that they are.