Dirty Old Lady

There is a dirty old lady in my head, and I've been meaning to tell you about her.

Last week, the night of the wedding I didn't go to, I dreampt that I was on the wait staff at some country club like place that hosts weddings. I was doing my best to be customer friendly, but this one table got really needy. In particular, they asked for coffee in the middle of dinner and then two minutes later got pissed that I had not yet served it.

I lost my temper and flipped the table off. (For the non-native-speakers of English, I gave the women at the table the middle finger, which roughly means "f*ck you!")

Without missing a beat, a heavy set woman in a green baggy cotton top looked at me and said, "Yeah! And do it on a vibrating bed!"